Doodle Roodle
by LadyArinn
Summary: Jayne is minding his own business and River finds herself a new napping spot. First in the series: The Titles have Nothing to do with Anything.


First time writing for these two and this show! Weee!

Whelp, I have no idea what brought this on but I was just watching the newest episode of doctor who (and isn't that Mr. Pink fellow just a cutie you want to just pat on the head and give warm cookies too?) and I thought "Hey, you know what's cute? Sitting on laps. That's just cute. There should be cuddling too. Cute cute cute. But who shall I force to dance to my will?" And for some reason it was these two.

They're not in an actual relation ship here, but they're starting to like each other. Ooooooooooh~

And I looked up gun cleaning things, so if you get nit-picky on any of those blame the internet.

Also! The title was a suggestion (not an educated one, I just asked for a title and she threw it at me) from my most beloved husband and love of my life, epicpickleninja. It has absolutely nothing to do with the story but I couldn't make one up myself and it made me laugh.

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He was just sitting at the table cleaning his guns and minding his own business when the girl came in, her long skirt and too-big for her tiny frame threadbare sweater badly wrinkled, hair tangled a tad more than usual, and with marks on her face that gave evidence to the fact that she had fallen asleep on the ground somewhere around the ship, probably high up since that was where she liked to be. Her eyes were practically closed and her bare feet dragged and the arms of her sweater completely swallowed her tiny hands, and with her like this, stumbling around all sleep-cozy and rumpled, Jayne didn't see the crazy, reaver killing assassin. He saw the girl that she really was and had never got a real chance to be.

"Whatcha' doin', Crazy? And why the hell you sleepin' on the ground when you've got a bed of your own?" He asked gruffly as he finished cleaning out Brenda's barrel with the brush, setting the tool down and grabbing the lubricant in part of the process that was as familiar to him as breathing was.

"Mother's heartbeat soothed," River murmured, her eyes distant, and for some reason Jayne's brain had gotten adept at crazy talk recently, and after a few moments he was able to figure that she'd fallen asleep in the engine room or thereabouts. "And then another called her."

This one he didn't get too much, because if something was calling her then she should've been going to in instead of standing in the kitchen staring at – he thought it was his ear, maybe – and swaying a bit in place as she did so. It was a bit creepifying and he didn't like it.

He'd just sat down the lubricated cleaning rod and was about to move on from the barrel and start working on the action when the girl finally moved, slipping under and around his thick arms and plopping herself right down on his lap, facing him. Frozen in shock, Jayne could only watch as the girl twisted her legs around him and snuggled into his chest, ear right over the left side.

It only took a few moments for him to get all of his facilities back in line, but that was all she needed because as soon as he tried to get her off he found it impossible because she'd locked her feet around the chair and her arms only looked thin and frail because those damn things were as tough as steel and apparently unmovable from their new home around his waist.

"Girl, you better be planning on moving real soon." Jayne growled, his fists tight. Not that he was going to hit her, because he knew that the rest of the crew would be all up in knots over that and he also knew that she could probably squash him like an insignificant bug if she felt so inclined.

"She will stay with the mountain man. The mountain does not change the river, and is steady when needs be." She murmured, and Jayne's eyes narrowed as he deciphered her words.

"I'm the mountain?" He asked, just to make sure, and she made a noise of agreement in the back of her throat. Jayne grunted, finding that being a mountain wasn't too bad. Mountains were big and rugged and scary, and they could kill a man if he stepped wrong. Yep, being a mountain didn't sound all that bad, really.

"Pretty too." She slurred, her voice so close to sleep now that he could barely pick out the words.

"Ain't pretty, girl." He snorted, leaning forward a bit to bring all of his guns and things closer. Not because he didn't want to disturb the girl. Nope. It was just because he wanted to just lean back a bit more, and he couldn't be bothered to move River from her apparent new napping spot because of the whole reaver killing assassin thing. No way was he going to go up against that, especially when all of his weapons laid out all pretty and available for her to grab if she felt properly motivated. And, it wasn't like she was really in his way because she was so tiny it was almost as if she wasn't even there. He could easily reach around her slight frame and do what he needed to do, and really, the girl should eat a bit more. He could barely feel her on his lap.

She let out a small snore from his shoulder that he absolutely did not laugh about as he finished up on Brenda, a pretty silver plated pistol that was a tad small for his hands. It would suit the girl better, really, and that was a stupid thought because he wasn't going to give her a gun, and especially not one of his own. That had to be pretty much the stupidest thought he had ever thought.

He shrugged that off, as he often did with the things he knew he shouldn't think, and he instead focused again on Brenda, shifting her just a bit when he noticed his reflection in the newly buffed and polished side. He frowned a bit, lifting his chin and turning his head this way and that, before smirking to himself and putting the gun onto the table, picking up Essie this time and he started to take her apart, gentle and firm and smug.

"I'm a bit pretty." He says mostly to himself with a smirking grin, picking up the brush to continue taking care of his girls, River sleeping peacefully on his lap.

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I hope you enjoyed!


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